In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “For Posterity.”
Being a first-born, Type A personality and always wanting to be the very best person I can possibly be by hitting the “MARK”, the bull’s-eye 100% of the time, I would tell future generations to not take life so seriously. DO NOT FEAR. Stop and enjoy the moments, the days that accumulate into years and then a life time.
Often I have thought that if I can take full responsibility of each and every incident that took place in my life, I could somehow control it and make a good outcome always. By good outcome I mean no disappointments, no sadness, no tears.
Have we not heard for years, “that everything happens for a reason?”. “Your life is your thoughts expressed?”. Then simple, control your mind, will and emotions and you will be pooping butterflies, riding your unicorn to work or school everyday on the rainbow of life, right?
So as life happened at the age of twelve for me, while at Disneyland on December 26th 1977, my father that was to meet my mom, brother and I at the clock tower on Main Street USA at 3:00pm never showed up! At 4:30pm we left and headed home to find him moved out. Living in Southern California my entire life, up to that point, I had experienced a lot of earthquakes, but NOTHING shook and rocked my world bigger than seeing his side of the closet completely emptied out, not even an empty hanger left. This was to be my first experience with the feelings of abandonment, hopelessness, fear and complete disappointment.
As best as I can recollect, this was the beginning of my over indulgence in trying to figure out and control life, so I would never have to experience, or cause someone to experience, these kind of traumatic feelings and emotions ever again.
My journey has taken me through some very lonely dark times and some very rewarding experiences, all the while my RPM’s were ramped out.
On June 2nd, 2013, after days of being held against my will, I fled a 25 year marriage that was very unhealthy, and this is when my life started to take a drastic much-needed change. Although I am still told often to “have patience”, “slow down”, I feel like I am at a snail’s pace in life for the first time since 12/26/77. I am learning to live life-like I would recommend others in future generations to live.
Everything does happen for a reason, and most often we do not know and never will know why, but that’s OKAY! And our thoughts do become our actions, so we need to be mindful of what we are thinking about and meditating on.
My biggest fear was to be lied to, deceived, abandoned, feeling hopeless and out of control. Guess what? After a 25 year marriage, I sit here patiently today waiting for the United States Department of Justice to convict a man for stealing my identity and my inheritance, because my signature was forged for criminal intentions. On June 14th, 2013 everything was seized and frozen by the US Attorneys Office. Bank account emptied without any warning, cars, boat, RV, trailer and anything else you can think of was gone. I thank GOD, I was given back my home and my daughter given back her vehicle, (February 2014) the forensics and handwriting analysis done by the U.S. Government, proved mine and my daughters innocence.
As I await to get my good name and reputation back, I am learning how to be still and know that He is God and that what was meant for harm, will be turned to good and bring God glory. I am learning that what you fear most will manifest itself, because our thoughts become our actions which turns out to be our life.
So for posterity, think about what you are thinking about, meditate on that which is good, slow down and enjoy the moments of each day they soon will add up to what you will reference as your life.
God bless you abundantly my friends!
Well the weather outside is frightful, it is the song that is running through my mind at the moment, because it really is frightful outside right now. Freezing temps and the sun has left us to hide behind a thick granite wall of clouds that continue to release ice, sleet, and frozen rain, which has led me to sit, reflect and share, so here goes Blog posting number two.
As I have shared before, my Love relationship with the Lord is more real and personal to me than anything here on earth that I could touch, see, feel or taste. He is in EVERYTHING in my life, when I acknowledge Him. However, when my emotions and mind go in a direction away from His very presence, I start to slide into this deep miry pit where the enemy welcomes me with open arms, and endless thoughts of hopelessness, discouragement and total depression. How I get here is my quest to find out!
We read in His Word that we are to “Enter into His rest” because He has won, we are the Victors, heirs to His throne, forgiven and blessed. In His rest I am at Peace, filled with contentment, overjoyed and there is NO LACK in any aspect of my life, body, soul or spirit. In the birds, the people around me, circumstances and deep within my soul I can feel and see His very presence. WHY and HOW do I get lured away from this completeness, His wholeness?
There is an enemy that is lurking and stalking us like a ravenous and starving beast that has the desire to feed on us, to steal, kill and destroy us. Anyone that is a believer is warned of this, taught about this and encouraged to stay far away from its very presence. Sound so easy to stay far away from anything that would bring ourselves or loved ones harm, and remove us from wholeness, Peace, and Prosperity and the very presence of our Lord.
Through my self evaluation, many tears, melt down moments, praying and seeking Wisdom I have discovered it is when I allow MY FLESH to have its way. When I spend too much time in the natural and not enough time in His presence, is how I start my descent into the miry pit and it has proven to be a slow and VERY painful treacherous self defeating existence. Though I pray and ask Him for help, seek Him and even holler out loud for Him, and He is there, I still continue to slide and wonder why He is not rescuing me from myself. He is not rescuing me because I would not learn why and how I start to slide away from His rest, He then would be enabling me and doing exactly what He never does, which is take control of our will.
So my will is to feel horrible? My will is to be in lack? My will is to feel hopeless, broke, busted, disgusted and depressed? NO WAY! So why am I drawn to it, why are the feeling so familiar? As I read His Word and seek His Wisdom, I discover that I was made and created in sin, that my flesh was dominant for over 20 plus years of my life, and that EVERY ONE goes through the same struggles and daily, sometimes moment by moment we are making conscience and unconscious decisions that either draw us closer into His rest or take us further away from Him.
As a lost child in an amusement park so desperate to find his/her parents, I too feel that same way, when in this emotional pit, and just as the child reacts when they catch a glimpse at the familiar safe and loving face of the parents they were separated from, they are overcome with emotions of joy, peace and comfort that they are safe again and everything is going to be okay, I too go through the same emotions and I believe so many others do to.
Again, how do we get separated? Upon reuniting, as I am now, going over the events that took place to cause the confusion, miscommunication, and separation and a better action plan for quicker reunification.
For me, I must make time daily to read His word, allow it to sink in and the seed take root, which happens through meditating, being still and welcoming His very presence. I know so often if I get an important phone call I will cover one ear, bend my head down, close my eyes and really concentrate on what the caller is saying, and if needed, I take notes as to remind myself of the information that was shared so I can review and look back on it, if needed. This is how I must treat my time in His Word, instead of reading a devotion, while eating or multitasking, which I so often do.
Also, when negative thoughts or circumstances present themselves to me, like an unwelcome phone call with bad news that appears to be a hopeless and overwhelming circumstance with no positive outcome visible. I’ve learned that I must immediately put them through the filter of His Word, such as His Truth that says “He knows the plans He has for me, plans to prosper me and not to harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future” He also says, that “He will perfect that which concerns me”, and that He is my very present help in time of need.
For many months and years I can tell you that I would try not to react in the flesh and try not to swallow into my soul the bad information, but never the less, the results were such that it would find a familiar place and take root and start to drag me into the miry pit. So I must become unfamiliar with this thinking and feeling, I must fully understand that there is a battle and it is a battle for my body, mind and soul.
When I worship the Lord through singing, it’s like a warm shower on a cold night, a cup of cold water on a super hot day, my soul is refreshed and there is no comparison to the exhilarating refreshment of being one with Him, so this too I need to do daily! Can’t readily slip into a miry pit, if staying in the presence of my Lord, just doesn’t happen.
One of the biggest traps mentally that I so readily am taken captive to is the thoughts that I could have or should have done something better or different and that I am missing the mark, I am not DOING what I need to do, because I do not know what it is that is expected of me. So I get busy, busy doing and being what I think is the very best me and trying so very hard to make everyone around me happy and without any lack of any kind, only to awaken to the presence of the “pit” the miry pit that is absent of Him feeling lonely, hopeless and totally depressed.
So how am I going to avoid this trap that I so easily find myself in? Seeking Him first and throughout my day, denying myself and checking in with Him through simple prayers and quietness, doesn’t have to be more than a minute or so, but it does need to be consistently throughout my waking day.
When I remind myself of His Word that I have committed to memory, it is so much easier to stay on course and close to Him.
Therefore friends, I make this asserted effort and commit it to writing that daily I will seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all other things will be added on to me, I will do this by acknowledging His presence in my life and being in touch with the reality of His goodness and Divine blessings. I will sit quietly and undisturbed as I allow His Word to take root and get established in my soul, so when tested I am grounded and unmoved. This will be easier by taking a little time daily to worship him through singing, praying in the spirit and thanking Him for everything He has done and will continue to do, on my behalf.
I pray as I have openly shared that it has encouraged others by understanding that you are not alone in your daily battle, that there is a way to live victoriously by acknowledging Him and His truth that the battle was won, we can enter into His rest and after seeking Him we can be assured that He already knew about what we are facing and has a way out that leads to total victory and glory to Him.
There is so much stored up inside of me, and I have been so encouraged and my spirits lifted by others who openly share, that I am taking the Bloggers plunge and stepping out in Faith and giving birth to “My Story” through blogging.
As I sit here today, Sunday November 30th, on top of a comfortable and beautiful bed, surrounded with fluffy pillows delicately embroidered in earth tone colors I gaze out the window of this bedroom onto acres of woods. This place is my sanctuary, I was brought here by God, and I see, hear and feel His presence every moment of every day that I am here. He reveals Himself through the quiet breeze that flows through the trees, the trickle of water that flows in the creek that runs on both sides of the property, the male and female deer, bunny rabbits, countless gorgeous Red Cardinals, Blue Jays, yellow and red house Finches, common Sparrows, Titmouse, downing Woodpeckers, and even the evasive female black cat that is always watching me and knows my every move.
He also reveals Himself through “my human being” “my person” “my love”, named Kent, who holds a place in my heart that no other person has ever held before. Since giving my life to my Lord, fully and completely, I went through and still experience “Crisis of Beliefs” and when encountering my first crisis of belief I cried out to God in my new found relationship and asked Him to reveal Himself in the NATURAL to me, in the flesh I needed to see, hear, feel and experience His very Presence.
After making this heartfelt, emotionally charged request, my God, my Lord, my Father, the Holy Spirit (these are some of the names I call Him) He did just that, He revealed Himself in the Natural for me to see, touch, hold onto, talk to and enjoy, it was then I fell further in Love and started my journey (my story) that I am excited to share with whomever wants to read along, and share in my love, laughter and experiences.
After years of longing to have a soul mate, a companion, a pure vessel from the Lord to regularly use to show Himself to me, He ordered my steps through careful navigation, precise encounters and God sized assignment’s into the arms of Kent. Kent is “my person” “my human” that God uses to show me an honest Love, Friendship, Intimacy, Humorous, Strong, Devoted, Caring and Adventurous companion. I daily thank God for using Kent to show me the characteristics of His very nature, as I am awestruck and left breathless often at the magnitude of His love, kindness, generosity and devotion to me.
With all of that said, God does not and has not limited Himself to just my surroundings and “my love”. I see Him working in and through my incredibly wonderful parents, “my angel” who is my daughter Amy and “my warrior” my son, Matthew.
This past Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, my son used some of his hard earned income and vacation days to fly into town to be with and visit family. Anyone that knows me, knows that my kids are my life, they have a grip and residence in my heart that is only occupied by them. Matthew is my oldest and after being told I could not conceive and if wanting children I would have to adopt, I urgently with great persistence, petitioned my Father, asking, thanking and believing that He would allow me to get pregnant and have a healthy baby, He in His miraculous way did just that and didn’t stop with one He gave me two.
Often I have told my son, the first time he looked up at me, after being delivered, this is the very FIRST time I saw True Love, he looked at me as though looking through my soul and gave the slightest grin expressing to me a love and acceptance that I had never allowed myself to experience before. As I bawled my eyes out, I made a promise to myself, God and my son, that I would consciously and prayerfully be used by God to raise His son into the man He created him to be while on this earth.
With that said, anytime that I get to spend with him and/or my daughter, is nothing short of a priceless gift from God, cherished and thoroughly enjoyed. As they are both spirit-filled, God fearing, healthy and blessed young adults with their own lives, my son lives out of state and my daughter is married.
This morning as I was gently woken up to the warm memories of the past few days, my heart is over filled with Joy and Peace that God ordered all of our steps as a family to be together. We made wonderful memories, laughed a lot, hugged a lot, ate too much, and of course I cried tears of Joy that we were all together and blessed beyond measure. My children are the assurance that , not only is there a true living God, but that I have done two things right in life, actually three, the very first accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior and entering into a deep love relationship with Him that is real and personal.
If you are feeling empty, alone, scared or confused even possibly wondering what your very existence is, I encourage you to sit quietly and ask your creator to reveal Himself to you, and soon you will discover you were created by Him, for fellowship with Him and to share Love, friendship and your individual uniqueness to the world. You are His hands, His eyes, His very presence to someone somewhere, so allow yourself to be used by Him, and enjoy this journey He has put you on called life.
Until next time my friends, with love,